I don’t wanna think about it

Chapter 21

The Little Red Haired Girl

21 I don’t wanna think about it

“I don’t wanna think about it” I told Brain in no uncertain terms. “Especially in here, stuck in this damp cold Pumphouse prison. Its worrying enough.”

“I know” said Brain “but its thanks to Noswad that we are in here. You need to think about it.”

“We don’t know the facts Brain, so why are you making assumptions about it? I thought you only dealt with cold hard facts?”

“Well its not rocket science is it? I knew he kept disappearing to ‘shop’ yet he professed to hate shopping. We knew he went for a coffee every morning with his brother to get to know the locals in his two seated sports car. He knew therefore you would not be able to go with him, he knew because you had agreed to work mornings only, half a day so that you could ‘spend more time with him’ supposedly. and that the cafe was only around the corner from her house.”

“He had his brother with him, how would he have had the opportunity?”

“Oh come on now, he could have left his brother at the cafe while he went to visit her. We know that his brother would just do as he was told and keep his secrets.”

“Stop, stop Brain! we actually know no facts, we have no proof.”

“Ok then what about him being quiet and changeable almost aggressive on his return? You asked him if he was Ok and he bit your head off?”

“I believed he was just a little moody and needed his space” Body spluttered “we have never lived together before.”

“Maybe ” said Brain “but you should have listened to your Body, it was feeling unnerved and quite justly so it would appear. He even accused you of being insecure and needy which was farthest from my mind at the time.” Brain was feeling smug.

“We still do not have any proof, it means nothing.”

“What about the time you went to her house unannounced?”

“What about it?” Body was starting to feel hot and tense all of a sudden.

“You knew she was there, yet she didn’t answer the door.”

“I heard her in the bathroom, so I assumed her and Hubby were in the bath. They like to bathe together which is why she had that huge bath installed, you remember her telling you that?”

“Yes but you heard voices and ssshing, and you knew her and Hubby were splitting up at that period of time anyway. Your Body was ignoring its own tension the minute the door was not answered. You ignored your own gut reaction and tension, not to mention your intuition which is a Spiritual gift I am given to understand. You knew something was not right.”

“It was strange I must admit. Normally and in the past she would have called out and said call back tomorrow or later.”

“Quite” said Brain “she was open about her and ‘hubby’ enjoying long soaks in the bath together. Never bashful. So why the sshhing? And wasn’t that one of Noswad’s “exploring Portugal” days out?”

“Yes, but brother was with him.”

“And?”

“I don’t wanna think about it.” but Body knew from personal experience how indiscreet and controlling Noswad had been with his brother when they had wanted ‘privacy’. Body had shuddered and was embarrassed at his indiscretion, and it did the same now.

“And what about the new engagement ring she wore, and told you it was an old one of her mothers?” Brain was incessant.

“I just thought she took to wearing it because her and her Hubby were separated. In fact she had said that he hadn’t even noticed she had stopped wearing her wedding rings.”

“Really” said Brain sarcastically “and her hubby being there one day and gone the next, always popping back to help her with the garden, all supposedly very amicable even when she acquired a new lover that she went travelling with. All this at a time that coincided with Noswad leaving your house, breaking up with you? Him leaving in a rage and breaking up with you for no apparent reason at least that made sense to me. Where was she when you were left heartbroken? Travelling with her new lover or should I say ‘red herring’? Or Noswad himself? Strange timing coincidence don’t you think?”

“Brain we had an argument and it got very emotional. You will never understand that.”

“You are ignoring my questions. So now not only did you ignore yourself Body, you ignored Spirit and Heart, and now me, Brain, again who knew all the facts and experience from the past.”

Body was waiting for back up from Heart but it said nothing. The black coal just turned a fraction and caused intense pain in Bodies chest.

“All I can say Brain is that we are stuck here and we have no proof.”

“You are waiting for Body to prove it with its eyes and ears? You are waiting for Noswad or Friend to tell you what your Heart and Spirit already know? If Heart ever recovers enough to speak again.”

“No I am not waiting. As I told Noswad.”

“Then why are we in here stuck? Noswad led us here, Noswad isn’t in here, Noswad has never called you since he left. In fact I would suggest Noswad put us in here trapped in this place until he benevolently decides to give your life some attention again when his own has gone bad. Which it will, cause he makes the same mistakes over and over again.”

“Shut up Brain, I cannot stand all this negative nastiness, and you are giving me a pain in my chest.”

“Why would that be?”

“Because Heart is turning and its hurting me.”

“Heart Hah! has it got anything to say?”

Silence.

“Noswad did come back anyway” Body continued “to see if we could talk and work things out.”

“You mean he wanted your Body?” Brain was vicious.

“Not just that, it was very sad because we could not work it out even though there was such a strong connection.”

“You wanted to believe he was better than I was telling you he was.” Brain was being relentless.

“I always want to believe the best in people, its in my nature, its part of my soul and spirit. Are we not taught to believe that? Is that not what loving someone unconditionally means? Seeing the good and the bad in them and still loving them? Still wanting the best for them or trying to understand their feelings?” Bodies words were letting her down, she could not explain what she meant. “I was trying to really listen to him, understand him , trust him as he had asked me to do. You don’t understand the connection we had. I felt we were one soul, one spiritual journey, one heart.”

“And tell me what he asked you to do?”

“You know. He asked me to wait for him.”

“Did he give you any reason why? Any plans? Did he tell you what had changed?”

“No.”

Heart turned again and the pain made her cry. “Why do you put me through this Brain? Why? when we are in this horrible place?

“I rest my case” was the smug reply. “All he did was put us in here….waiting.”

“Please stop Brain, you are killing my soul.”

“Will there be a bubble? the Little Red Haired Girl asked. No one had realised she was awake.

“Yes little one. A big bubble”

“Oh and will we see love as Noswad showed it to you?”

“No” was the admittance by Body “he did not let me see love from his actions.”

“I will let you see it” and she hugged me tight.