30/06/2024
4 Split
When she awoke, she was in the exact same position she had fallen asleep in and could still see through the barred window of the Pumphouse. The moon had moved, it was no longer in view, but her eyes were sharper despite less light from the moon. Maybe she was just getting used to the permanent dark.
Vague recollections of the dream she had last night (wait it was still night, still dark.. whenever she had it) came to her. She remembered the splitting pain in her body and as she felt her body, she could feel it was bruised right in the centre of her diaphragm, between the ribs and the breastbone. She touched it again, yep, it was definitely bruised.
How could that be, it was in her dream right? The pain along the side of her body against the concrete floor was still there, but that was only to be expected after lying on concrete for however long.
She decided to lay still awhile, it was bearable, but something else felt different like she was disjointed in some way, far removed from herself, almost split into she didn’t know how many pieces. She would think about that later, for now she was just grateful to be relatively comfortable.
She let her mind wander and remembered happier times walking in the forest dodging the sun. It was so hot that summer. In happier times when Noswad and her were full of conversation and laughter, love and promises. Drinking wine, music and dancing. She had never felt so complete and joyful. The memory warmed her even if the body was shivering with the cold. The joy enveloped her for a second or two even though the body was in pain.
They had played most of their favourite music and still found more. The people and places it made them recall, the past lives they had lived. Much laughter. Noswad and her agreed that after all the wasted years they would be together finally as one devoted couple and that because the plans had fitted together so seamlessly, it was meant to happen, we were aligned at long last. The dreams forming in front of them as they went along such a multi faceted journey called Life.
“But life isn’t like that is it?” she said into the darkness, “Its never just a pretty picture”.
“Well if you don’t like the picture on your younger brothers jigsaw or its too easy for you, turn it over and see if you can fit it together without the picture” Nana had told her once and she could hear her. It must be her imagination.
It was a new creative idea to The Little Red Haired Girl who as a child, ended up enjoying doing the jigsaw that way, and it distracted her from the limited toys Nana had in her house in a fun way.
In the forest nothing was a flat picture. Even the tall Eucalyptus trees were a reminder of the twists and turns in life. Their naked silver trunks exposed to the sun. The layers of bark seemingly stripped from them in straight shards like glass, and yet as they fell towards the ground still attached to the tree, toward the base of each trunk, the shards formed curves and intricate shapes. They formed changing pictures as you walked past them, tricking the eye to see a face, or an animal, or a flower within and through a round frame the bark created, or the body to jump as maybe you thought you saw a hooded figure.
They formed so many colours of Reds and Browns, Blues and Greys depicting the age that they were stripped from their trunk. A visible calendar in endless varieties depicting not just the age and maturity of the tree, but the duration of the bark and its downward journey to the shapes below.
It occurred to her that people were like these Eucalyptus trees, each at there own stage of growth and maturity, each on their own path of discovery as they were stripped of their bark and their truth revealed to themselves as well as others, each on their own path of self discovery and growth. Yet together they formed this forest, all living side by side, all reliant on each other for shade , growth and defence from the elements.
Noswad had made her feel proud in her truth and nakedness. Standing tall and straight and washed by the sunlight. Finally trusting and open and brave. She should be thankful for the lesson he had taught her. To believe in herself, to fight for what she felt was right, fair and honest. In the future, she would believe in herself more.
” No you were such a fool” her own voice told her, for in her proud stance she had not seen the twists of deception, and shards of lies and betrayals around the base of Noswad’s Eucalyptus tree.
And there she was, standing tall and naked and true at the edge of the forest, exposed to all the elements, exposed for all to see as they walked by, exposed by all the gossip of the chattering and visiting birds, exposed to everyone after such a public display of promises, exposed by the one person she did not expect to see there laughing at her but Noswad himself. It did not matter anymore, she had nothing to hide or be ashamed of.
“Hush child, it will be better tomorrow, have hope and faith that all is not lost” .
The voice shocked her, it was not Nana’s, it was not her own.
“Who’s there?” she asked and there was no reply as she sank into sleep again.
© Jennifer Harris 2024
