14 Coming Back
“When is Noswad coming back?” the Little Red Haired Girl asked, and for a moment it surprised my adult self, I had forgotten she knew him. But of course she would know him, they were together always.
“I don’t know honey, but he will help us get out of here” I reassured her. After all she was only a child. “Go back to sleep.” I stroked her hair.
“What makes you think that?” Brain asked “Going on the history of that man, he ain’t never coming back.”
“Not now Brain, don’t we have enough to contend with at the moment, stuck in this Pumphouse?”
“Well who put us in here?”
“We don’t know that yet so lets not make assumptions.”
“You’re deluded, you know he put us in here.” Brain would not let up and Body knew it was going to have its say.
“He’s let you down so many times before yet you still refuse to see it. He lies, he cheats on you, disappears for days and sometimes years and then comes back. In and out of your life just when he knows you are vulnerable. And for how long has he been doing this? For over 28 years for God’s sake! You ignore all the bad signs, and let him sweet talk you again and again, just so he can get you into bed and then disappear again. Your Body, Heart and ‘Soul’ as you call it got us into this mess coz you sure as hell ain’t listening to me! Where is their contribution in getting us out of here? Tell me that, go on, tell me!”
“Sshh…. you will wake her up.”
“I’m not asleep” the Little Red Haired Girl said “but I feel hot and fizzy again. I don’t like it.”
“I know” Body tried to sooth.
“He’s not coming back is he?” and she started to cry. Large silent globes of tears ran down her cheeks.
“Don’t get upset little one, we don’t know yet do we? He may turn up tomorrow to help us out of here.”
“He won’t” and she said it with such assurance for such a small child Body was surprised.
“Hush now, you don’t know that.”
“Yes I do. Its just like when Daddy left. He never came back, I never saw him again.”
Body didn’t know what to say, she was right.
It was all Brain needed as it launched into everything Noswad had done this last time to hurt her. “Marriage, this time he asked you to Marry him and he was to start a new life here with you. And you believed him! Even I was surprised when he actually came over, made the necessary plans, uprooted himself and his brother, just to come over to start a new life with you? To marry you? Whatever made you believe all that crap?”
“Well he did come, and we were happy, I thought he loved me and I loved him even if Heart is not speaking at the moment. Body waited.
Heart said nothing.
“Yeah right “said Brain “and how long did he stay? 3 weeks! 3 weeks! So much for commitment and happiness. You helped him start his visa process, coz it was to be easier as a ‘partner’ or marriage, got the documents for him, paid the fee for him, and continued to renovate the house around him while he, he and his brother sat on the sofa!”
“He cooked for me” Body said knowing that Brain was right and it sounded pathetic. “He did the shopping, got to know his new surroundings by taking himself and his brother out for regular coffees, did some exploring and getting to know the locals” Bodies voice trailed off as she knew what was coming.
And Brain hit her with it again. “And why was a man who hates shopping so keen to do the shopping? And why was he so keen to get out of the house? Huh? Brain continued.
“Because he was screwing Friend who lives down the road in the next village, just so happens the same village where the cafe was. Well surprise surprise!”
“We still don’t know that for sure.”
“Yes we do. Not actual proof or evidence, but you know. You are just in denial. He is not a nice man, what did you ever see in him? What made you think this time would be any different?”
“Because we have a really strong connection.”
“You mean the sex was good.”
“No I mean the connection was good. We get on well, we laugh and like the same music, our soul’s connect. I may not always like his behaviour, but I see the good in him wanting to come out, he’s just trapped in that addictive lifestyle. He inspired me and brought me joy that I haven’t experienced since I was a child and I hoped I did the same for him. He was playful and fun.”
“Did you see his soul bubbles?” the Little Red Haired Girl asked.
“Yes I did and it gave me hope and inspiration.”
“Don’t start that crap again” said Brain “So you gave him another chance, the last chance you told me and him. And he still let you down. He drained all your energy, was no help physically with the house, he was moody and we now know why because he was feeling guilty and wanted to hop off to friends house, he contributed nothing in your life. NOTHING!”
“That’s where you are wrong Brain but you can’t understand because you don’t have any emotions. He inspired my soul, and I loved him unconditionally with all my heart. I saw the good in him as well as the bad, but I still loved him, He made my heart come alive.”
“Well it ain’t now is it? You Body, with Heart and Soul got us into this mess, so you should employ them to help you get us out of it. Leave me out of it, I’m done telling you.”
“You know Brain sometimes you are really unhelpful.”
“Your welcome” and with that Brain went into shut down.
Her body felt hot, sensual and at the same time embarrassed as if Noswad had just run his hands all over it. Her body did this every time she thought of Noswad. It betrayed her.
She forgot that a little pair of china blue eyes were watching her. “Are you O.K.?” she asked with childlike concern.
“Yes I am. I’m just feeling fizzy”
“Ashoomed?”
“Yes ashamed. That too”
“Will he come back?”
“I honestly don’t know. I can only guess what he may be feeling. Go back to sleep.”
“Why is Brain so nasty?”
“It doesn’t mean to be, it just knows facts. It knows of feelings but doesn’t know how to deal with them. It doesn’t have feelings.”
“So where do feelings live?”
“In your Heart and Soul.”
“Soul lives in the air you said. You only see the bubble around it when there is a problem?”
“Yes that’s how I told it to you. But also when there is great joy.”
“So where is your heart. In here where I hear it?” as she pointed to her chest. “Sometimes at Nana’s house I thought they were soldiers marching. I could hear them in my hand. I can hear them now. But where is your Heart? I can’t hear it” as she planted her ear on my chest and then took my wrist to put her ear to and listen.
Heart said nothing.
“It’s buried at the moment, its beating or I would not be here, but its buried itself. Its too hurt.”
“Like Nana’s bulbs? Nana plants them in a pot and puts them on the table to grow.”
“Yes, a bit like that.”
She heard Nana’s voice “There will be another person for you. Just wait.”
“I hope so” said Soul “we will find another path.”
“Let go and let God” said the big now familiar voice.
© 2024 Jennifer Harris. Free And Alive 555
