6 The Big Blue Gates
It was hard to tell how long she had been in the Pump house, but it was still pitch black and she worried that she would never get out. Who would realise that she was even missing? Who would rescue her? and she started to sob uncontrollably, the sound bouncing around the circular hard walls which had no corners to hide in and feel supported physically or even halfway protected.
She had tried to figure a way out and her hands were still bloodied and sore from the effort, in fact she was still holding the piece of glass she noticed. The tears ran down her face and she wiped them away briskly with the back of her sleeve, in a way she hadn’t done since she was a child, usually because she didn’t want to smudge her makeup but that didn’t matter any more in here.
It was no good, she was exhausted and needed sleep, rest, and think again when daylight arrived and she could see her surroundings properly and re-assess the situation.
“Stop worrying” she said aloud to the walls “tomorrow is another day. I will work something out” and as she lay down and tried to get comfortable, she shut her eyes and tried to calm her mind. She breathed deeply and counted, in through the nose and out through the mouth. She watched colours dancing on the inside of her eyelids, she remembered conversations and hopes, and very strange dreams but her mind, her mind would not stop and be still.
She turned the piece of glass between her thumb and forefinger and counted with every turn, its smooth surface slipping round easily, its sharp edges passing through without cutting her. And still she could not sleep.
The full large face of the moon appeared at the window and she lay there just staring at it, watching clouds pass it by and the stars twinkling through them. The moon illuminated a piece of the pumphouse like a slice of cake, almost mocking her about the rest she couldn’t see.
In her anger, the child within, The Little Red Haired Girl threw the glass at the illuminated slice. “I don’t want to be in here!” she shouted in rage but even more annoyed that now she had thrown away her only plaything. The piece of glass.
She felt and crawled her way over to retrieve it.
As she sat in the illuminated slice, she noticed within the light that where the glass had hit the lumpy rendered wall it had left a mark. The mark looked like an eye. So she took the glass and carved the rest of it in the wall. The pupil, the lashes, the lid and quickly realised she had to reverse how she carved it. She could not use it like a pencil or colouring crayon. It did not create shade, it created highlights on a dirty old rendered wall as it was carved clean with the glass. It was reversed, a different way of thinking. Like the difference between drawing with Charcoal and Chalk. And in the full moonlight she saw her shadow opposite her and started to trace and carve around it, drawing in her arm where she wanted it as opposed to it constantly moving with the piece of glass.
She completed the face, hair, and ears within the silhouette.
“What a mess I am making, Teacher said I was no good at pictures” The Little Red Haired Girl said out loud, but it didn’t matter, in here there was no teacher and she had some fun and forgotten about this horrible place. She felt a bit better and it would not be long now before it was home time. “Thank you Moon.”
As she carved her picture, she remembered the big blue gates were very tall and went right across the drive separating the front of their house from the back and its enclosed garden. She had been playing with her best friend, her little brother, and they had got into a fight with lots of shouting.
The Little Red Haired Girl remembered a woman coming out the back door and she was relieved, Mummy would understand. But she didn’t listen and told them to stop arguing or she would separate them. She remembered seeing the hands in front of her face, drying themselves on the apron. They left a funny powdery trace on the apron and the hands didn’t look clean at all, they were white. They left little clouds in the air instead of in the sky. It can’t be clouds they belong in the sky, perhaps its Fairy dust. Perhaps the fairies were in the big pocket at the front on the apron. She craned her neck to see if they were in the pocket, but it was too high for her to see into and now Mummy was gone.
They played again happily, but the fight was not fixed, so the apron came out again and this time, the white hands took theirs, and separated them by the big blue gates. Her bestest friend at the front of the house, and herself at the back under the kitchen window where she could be “kept an eye on”. She tried to gently remove one of her eyes, no, hers were stuck on her face and could not be put “on” anything.
She knew that the apron was very angry and she stared at her feet which looked very strange in shoes that were way too big and had clippety -clop heels on the back of them. She loved playing in Mummy’s shoes but now they just looked like boats. She stepped out them and sat in the sun with her back against the wall right by the big blue gates.
The wall felt warm and comforting just like the hot water bottle Mummy gave them at bedtime, but she felt sad. Feeling sad as she heard her best friend playing with kids from the big houses next door, playing footy in the round dead end of the street, only if they were good and big enough and had asked if they could. She heard them laughing and having fun. It wasn’t fair.
The Little Red Haired Girl took her dolls for a walk around the back garden, and made them tea as they sat in a ring picking daisies off the grass. She made daisy chains as Nana had shown her and made little crowns out of them for each of her new friends as they sat in a ring on the grass.
She heard the clatter of the front door and voices as her best friend came in the house that way, as they all did before when playing in ‘the circle’, coz the handle on the big blue gates was too high to reach and the gate too heavy.
She could hear through the open bathroom window the voices, the bath being run, and her best friend being got ready for bed before tea as he was too dirty to sit at the table. ‘Oh no’ she thought as she looked at her hands which were now green, as were her socks and her dress. Maybe she would not get tea. She waited to be called in for tea. She knocked on the back door as she could not reach the handle, but they did not hear her, so she sat on the backdoor step and waited.
The apron nearly stumbled over her as she opened the back door and rushed through it. “Oh there you are, hurry up and wash your hands as we are having tea now. Look at the state of your dress! and the socks! How will I ever get them clean. Come on hurry up.”
As she climbed onto the dining chair, they had all but eaten their tea and started to ‘clear the table.’ “Its too late to have your bath now, go get ready for bed, I will come up in a bit” Mummy said. She never came, but Daddy did. He kissed her goodnight and stroked her hair, and she felt safe and cosy, warm and fuzzy all at once. She dreamed of Fairy dust and daisy crowns.
© Jennifer Harris 2024
