Dreaming

Chapter 7

The Little Red Haired Girl

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7 Dreaming

She knew she was dreaming, but something was different again, her dreams were getting very strange. What was different? She could not place it.

The Little Red Haired Girl struggled to listen to her heart to find the answer, so as an adult, she asked Noswad and there she had it! and it hit her hard. Noswad was with her, not part of her dream, but actually with her, travelling through it with her. “How is it possible?” she asked him.
“Because I never left you, I am here with you aren’t I?”
“But how did I get out?” She was free of the pump house and walking back to the house with Noswad.

He started walking ahead “Hey wait for me” and it felt familiar like she had said it before.

This time he did wait for her, turned and offered her his hand. She took it willingly. Still asking questions as to how she got out and Noswad seemed very clever in avoiding the answer and would change the subject, chatting about everything and anything else. She realised she was walking slower, and obviously tired from the time spent in the pumphouse. “why weren’t you in the pumphouse with me?”

He didn’t answer but slowed his pace to accommodate hers. “Do we need to discuss that now? When everything feels so happy? Lets get you home and eat, and get you warmed up you are still shivering”.

She saw the care in his eyes and relaxed. He was right, there would be plenty of time to talk and she was cold through to the core. A long soak in a hot bath, and something to eat. Noswad liked cooking for her.

She took a deep breath and realised in the sun how beautiful the surrounding countryside was. The forest and the bright yellow gorse bushes, the tall swaying Eucalyptus trees and their distinctive smell. The Butterflies and Birds in front of a vivid blue backdrop and the soft mossy ground beneath her feet. It was like appreciating it for the first time, seeing it for the first time and she was so very thankful to be here.

The ‘new’ eyes were fantastic. Everything looked brand new and popping with colour. So vivid in fact she was starting to feel faint. She knew she needed to eat and drink, but also that she hadn’t taken her pills. How long had it been since she had taken her Thyroxine? She couldn’t tell. Noswad interrupted her thoughts “Nearly home now. By the way, I never knew you were an artist. Where did you learn to draw like that?”
“Oh I am a doodler, I draw when I have time”
“Well the pumphouse walls look better for it, you’ve certainly left your mark” he chuckled.
“As they have left theirs” as she looked at her damaged hands which he hadn’t even noticed. “And anyway, what would I have done without it? After all that time in there it kept me occupied and hopeful.”

She didn’t tell him of the despair she had felt, or the voices she had spoken to. He wouldn’t understand and probably call her crazy. He had before, other people in her past life had done so too. It led to therapy at various stages in her life. It led her to examine and learn about herself. ‘Still plenty to learn’ she thought ‘Does anyone stop learning?’

Noswad put the key in the lock on the front door and cursed as it stuck as usual and she smiled at the habit. They were home.

As she lay in the bath she was thinking how grateful she was. They had a roof over there heads, and food on the table. They weren’t wealthy, but they had a secure home, a happy home. There were so many that had neither.

She heard Noswad clanking around in the kitchen preparing food and singing along to his favourite music tracks. She felt very grateful and whispered her thanks to herself, her ancestors, the universe, to God. She didn’t know who to give thanks to and it didn’t matter. It felt good to be thankful.

“Be ready in about 30 mins” Noswad called to her.
“Ok” she answered and as she let the water out of the bath. she still lay there almost too tired to move as she felt her body get heavier. She closed her eyes and suddenly she was in the starlit sky, through the blue and into the dark. She saw stars that she recognised but didn’t know how or why. She saw them as a map to lead her back. Back where?
And as she soared amongst the stars, the joy and bliss she felt overwhelmed her, with tears streaming across her face.

“Isn’t it amazing” Noswad said.
She turned but couldn’t see him anywhere. She started to panic. She tried her breathing techniques to no avail, nothing would quell the rising panic or the loss of control and direction of her body. She saw herself far far ahead in the distance with accurate tunnel like and magnified vision. On the world, in a country, in a street, in a house, in a bathroom with a towel drying herself and getting dressed. She called out to herself and heard Noswad say “Its no good, she can’t hear you” and he laughed. It didn’t sound like his laugh. The laugh she recognised and had heard a thousand times before. It sounded odd and made her skin prickle. She thought she knew Noswad, but for the first time, this time around, doubt was sneaking in again.

“Wait for me” he said.

She had a history with Noswad, she knew that doubt and lack of trust in this relationship was familiar, but she had thought she had put that behind her this time. They had vowed that this time they would both be honest, transparent and trustworthy. She had believed him and yet that laugh….that laugh made her uneasy and distrustful. The prickles on her skin turned cold, and then hard and then painful. She felt her left arm and realised she had to move it , the concrete floor was hurting her. The despair came back as she recollected where she was and had been returned to. The Pumphouse prison.