24 At What Cost?

The Little Red Haired Girl

24 At what cost?

The trouble with cracks in the wall Body assessed as she watched the Little Red Haired Girl trace them with her finger, was that they were on the surface. They may have travelled further back beyond the surface to unknown depths unseen by the eye especially in this dark Pumphouse.

Although the wall itself was curved, the cracks were pretty flat and two dimensional. Memories weren’t. One could touch the surface of them at any time as the Little Red Haired Girl was doing now. Body caught the memory, Brain found it and retold the facts as far as it could remember but it needed the Heart to restore the memory completely. Especially if the memory was to be used for any purpose like rekindling the joy of a moment in retelling the memory, for counselling or research, for upholding and passing on family traditions or simply for personal growth.

There was plenty to forget, some good and some bad memories and these bad ones had been pushed well below the surface. Not on a flat or even curved wall, but on a sphere, travelling in multiple directions and with no map. Some were too painful to find and Brain played tricks about that and jokingly called it a selective memory. Brain always seemed to act like the enemy.

“Well you have a selective memory if you think that’s what happened!” Noswad had told her when she had questioned his behaviour within any given situation.
“Yes, he told me that often” Brain said.
“And you believed him” Body replied ” because you know your memory isn’t always accurate. You didn’t believe in yourself enough or listen to Heart, Spirit and Soul.”

“Leave me out of this path” sighed Soul.
“Did you see the bubbles?” the Little Red Haired Girl stopped her finger tracing and asked excitedly.
“Yes I saw them frequently. I saw his Soul trapped in them. I saw the troubles he had, and also the inspiration he gave and the good in him trying to get out. He hoped he could be better and felt guilty when he couldn’t be. If only he had taken the chance to believe in himself.”

“Could he not see them then?” the child asked “it sounds like they were everywhere.”
“No, he couldn’t see them, he couldn’t feel the edge of the bubble he had created by making others feel bad. That’s why he was so troubled, why he never made the connection between his actions and how his life became.”

“Like home time? Like walking home on my own cos I made the others stand on chairs.”
“Yes child.”

“You told him often enough” exclaimed Brain ” it gave me so much stress I could see what was going to happen, what he was going to do. It made you exhausted. He was just no good and the sooner you learn that the better.”
“Yeah a bit lit you learning to have a ‘selective memory’ when you don’t. Are you not the pot calling the kettle black?”
“That’s different” huffed Brain.

“What’s the pot and the kettle?” asked the Little Red Haired Girl.
“I’ll explain that another time, its just a saying” Body was tired.

So The Little Red Haired Girl went back to finger tracing on the wall. She knew when it was adult talk.

Brain continued “Its different because its like training, if I am told often enough I have a bad memory, with repetition its sticks” it huffed.
“It does, as does believing the good in people as well as the bad. Its a choice Soul and Spirit make, and Heart believes and it comes from a type of ‘training’ if you like, but with luck it stays with you for life.”
“It does not serve you well, it gets us into trouble which is why we are stuck in here. In this dark, horrible space. When are you ever going to learn?” Brain concluded.

“I don’t want to learn that. I want to believe that people are better, will do the right thing, are just and honest, otherwise life would be unbearable and I certainly don’t want to change that about me just to get out of an awkward situation.”
“Well said” sighed Soul “I concur and am responsible. I will own that.”

“AWKWARD! AWKWARD!” exclaimed Brain “Look at us! You think this situation is just awkward? Really? If we don’t get out of here we are going to DIE! Open your eyes Body for Gods sake and see the reality of this ‘awkward’ situation. We are locked in here in this Pumphouse, no food, no water. no escape and you sit there like some patronising saint who will not compromise your principles or beliefs. Take a reality check, look around you, see what’s happening to you physically. If we do not get out of here WE WILL DIE!”
The Little Red Haired Girl started to cry.

“Now look what you have done Brain, you have made the little one cry. How could you?”
“Because someone needs to wake up” it went on. “When are you going to put your needs first and get us out? When are you going to do that? Shall we just accept our loss and have them put it on our gravestone? “Here lies the Little Red Haired Girl that believed in Fairy stories.” Brain was in full enemy mode but there was truth amongst it. “Your beliefs and principles are to be had at what cost? And another thing where is Heart? I don’t hear it sticking up for your principles, morals or whatever else you wanna call them. Its ridiculous! Wake up! You have been played, used, lied to and thrown away. Get up and get us out of here for God sake!”

“Enough” sighed Soul “you are killing Spirit and I. This life is killing us. I don’t want to live here on earth if all I am to believe is that all people can be that destructive deliberately and constantly. There has to be hope for better if not by example, by hope, by effort, by kindness. Heart is broken, but it is my hope , my inspiration that Heart will be repaired and restored. Give it time, and you need Brain need to be kinder to yourself and subsequently to us.”

“Shut up all of you. I am just trying to cope and survive.” Body replied.

“And a poor job you are making of it” was Brain’s final comment as it shut its doors and access was denied.

“There will be other doors that open” said Nana “As one door shuts another will open, or a window even.” and as she stroked my hair there was the familiar smell of Nulon hand cream, and Body relaxed and started to breathe deeper.

“I agree with you Nana” the unfamiliar but now familiar voice said “Everything happens for a reason. It happens for you not to you. Have faith.”

“Who are you?” Body asked.
“We can discuss that when you are ready. Rest now.”