35 Why?

Onward Journey, The Little Red Haired Girl

35 Why?

“Why are you so tired?” Brain asked Spirit “Its not like you do anything as we do with our Body and Brain?” Brain had been thinking and there was plenty of time to think about whilst stuck in this Pumphouse prison. Thinking about not just the recent past with Noswad, but the whole of their life and its past. There had been an awful lot of bad situations that ‘they’ had been through that did not make sense even given the choices Brain had been offered at the time. The finances that were or were not in place, the child that Body had born with so much hope in her heart and chose the best for, Body’s health, or the romantic partners that had been involved with and chosen throughout. It was a very weird and convoluted story that in its totality and wholeness didn’t add up, the picture did not make logical sense.

“Have you finished thinking yet? May I speak?” Spirit called with fake reverence. Spirit knew that Brain was proud and chuckled as Body rolled its eyes to the heavens yet again.

“You may speak” Brain predictably replied.
“Thankyou. So good of you to release control.”
“Get on with it then.” Brain was not in a good frame of mind and extremely impatient.

“I am tired because of all the battles I’ve had to fight.”
“Such as?”
“Trying to be understood by others.”
“You mean romantic partners?”

“Not necessarily” Spirit went on “trying to get anyone to understand my motives, my goals, my fight for what I perceive is right or wrong, my expectations or even the compromises I make for others.”
“Even when you are wrong?” Brain questioned.

“I admit sometimes I am wrong in my beliefs and what is worth fighting for, but at least I try to tell people of them so there are no errors, no one should get the wrong impression of me. They know what they are getting up front. I am clear.”

“Ermm not always” stated Brain “there are times I remember when your mischief has got us into trouble. Like your weird sense of humour, or your truth or even your lies. You have to admit your lies have got us into trouble?”

“True. I majorly lied to three people about infidelity and yes, it got us into trouble.”
“That’s an understatement” announced Brain “Why did you do it?”
“Because I was being suppressed, crushed and flattened to fit another’s wants and needs. I could not breathe.”
“That’s not true. We were breathing” Body stated.
Spirit tutted “That’s what the aura felt like, and try as I might, I could not get others to understand me.”
“And that made me unhappy” cried Heart.

They paused.

“That’s not a good enough excuse” stated Brain “Its hypocritical and immoral. Where is your so called right or wrong now? When you were unfaithful?”

“It was wrong” agreed Spirit “and I paid for it. I left. I could not face neither Heart nor Soul so I made us leave each time. I had broken my own self so I did the right thing and made us leave. It was not fair to my partner.”

“Surely after years of being cheated on, years of bullying and manipulation, and finally being made to be celibate and devoid of affection is enough to crush anyone’s spirit?” stated Body.

“Be that as it may, let’s assess this properly and have integrity. Why did you do it in the first place? Why? Look at the convoluted path it has led us on?” Brain would not stop.

“What is the common fact throughout this whole journey of life so far has led us here? If Heart is to be understood we ‘fell in love’ with our partner each time and hoped every time that it would be good, it would work out, it was genuine.”
“It was. I know I felt it” cried Heart

“We know” sighed Soul.

“Yes, we jumped in with both feet and with every good intention we had. Our intentions were transparent” called Spirit “it should have worked we fought for it always.”

“You are missing the point” Brain stated impatiently. “What was the common denominator that was present? Well on and off some of the time, and to be precise, usually when Heart was feeling vulnerable and unloved, Spirit was crushed supposedly and Body was stressed or overburdened. What was the fact that was present?”

“You mean the person” sighed Soul.

“Oh O.K. the person then. Who was intermittently present throughout all of this when ‘we’ were vulnerable or when ‘we’ had a little money? Who seemed to know exactly when to turn up? Who caused these break ups with romantic partners with his false promises and silvery tongue? Who magically showed up almost as if he knew Body was sad and lonely? Almost as if he had been informed?”

” Is this like ‘I spy with my little eye’?” the Little Red Haired Girl asked.
“Yes” Body replied.
“Mummy and Daddy? Nana?” she asked.
“No” Body replied “it’s to do with when we were growed up.”

“It is relevant though” said Brain remembering the more recent therapy they had undergone.
“Hush child and let them answer” Body replied.

“Noswad” sighed Soul.
“10 out of 10” Brain sarcastically concluded. “He has been the constant but intermittent presence throughout 28 years of our life. And why? Why sure beats the hell out of me! I cannot fathom it. Its almost as if he knew when to make an appearance. It makes no sense.”

“Because of the special connection?” sighed Soul “because of the magnetic draw? because of the destined path? because of past lives together?”
“Because I loved him even if Spirit told me it was wrong” cried Heart “Brain you also told me it was wrong but Body had never felt such passion.”
“True” said Body crimsoning just at the thought even though it was cold and unseen in the dark.

“It makes no logical sense, its as if he deliberately found us wherever we were living, and look where we have ended up?” exclaimed Brain.

“Carry on blaming whomever you want Brain” sighed Soul “but we are now taking some accountability. We together are having some integrity and are doing and saying the right things even when no one is here to see it or hear it. Noswad was destined to be in our life. Not only to teach us a lesson, but because he had to settle a score from a previous past path and life.”

“Really?” stated Brain. It was a rhetorical question and Brain didn’t expect an answer.

“That is the truth” replied Nana.
“It is” said the familiar voice now known to them for short as God.