195 Soul Family

Searching for answers

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195 Soul Family

The visit to the UK to visit three family members they had been called to go and see had been successful in some ways, unsuccessful in others.”What were we looking forward for?” asked Body.
“Was it about success or failure?” called Spirit.
“No” cried Heart “I just wanted to see them and talk about what I had been going through with someone who I thought may understand.”

“It was tiring for Body and very expensive due to our lack of planning” admonished Brain “and we will be paying for it in the months to come with interest I might add.”
“We will manage somehow” Heart cried “but I feel it was worth it to talk about our journey and what we have been going through for the last two to three years, and don’t forget one member did actually help with a hotel bill which was unexpected and very kind.”

“And what we had been told in dreams” called Spirit. “We also wanted answers.”
“Hmm…” signalled Brain. “Was anything accomplished?”
“Maybe and hopefully some understanding of why our behavior has been so different, but I will admit I was not brave enough to ask the burning questions. At least I gave them the opportunity to tell me what was going on in the family” Heart responded.

“Was understanding obtained?” Brain continued its line of questioning. “Was there any problems or secrets admitted to?”
‘They are good people and should be trusted’, was the common answer which is exactly what I needed to hear. They are family and would always be there for us in times of trouble and out of concern. I did not really get any answers though” Heart confirmed.

“And then they proceeded to…?” called Spirit. “It needs to be faced.”
“Umm…call out other family members and criticise them by saying they had other agendas, and were bad people. Criticising their behavior towards us. That strikes me as the pot calling the kettle black and even if they felt that way about others, what was their purpose in telling us about it?” Body questioned her own placement in this scenario. How can you one minute say family are to be trusted and always act out of concern and in the next breath speak badly of others within it? She herself was guilty of criticism of others too but somehow at this juncture in time, this felt more deliberate, more like ….”
“Deflection” Spirit called it.
“Possibly” Body felt displaced and confused.

“There were other inconsistencies too” Brain recollected. “Like conversations and words spoken that they denied saying to us. As if my memory was completely wrong when I know it wasn’t. I think it’s called Gaslighting and is designed to make us think the conversation never happened, my memory being so bad that I had imagined what was said.”
“Such as?” Spirit called.

“Stupid insignificant conversations about unimportant facts like changing a hair colour, or who’s name had been on the top of an email. Yet I know I remember it correctly. It’s not important but it bothers me” Brain confessed.
” They would not do that on purpose” Heart cried “but not one of them admitted their lack of contact with us for at least a year. They turned it around and stated the opposite. That we had cut the family out of our lives.”
“And why not?” Brain retorted “if we are the only ones that make the effort.”
“Brain that is not conducive to good relationships” Soul sighed.
“Nor was it the only path Soul, there are plenty of ways to contact and communicate” called Spirit.

“It’s about six’s and two threes” the Little Red Haired Girl stated. “It makes the same answer Grandad said.”
The child was ignored as the words were left hanging in the air and for a brief second, Body felt like they were back in that dark hellhole of a place, the Pumphouse.

“I’m not going in there again” she stated to the air and for some unknown reason felt like she was meant to. This was the purpose of the denials about how a conversation was remembered. The purpose of the reassurance that family were good people even though they decried others within it. It caused Body to doubt their own questions and thoughts, and what they had been told in messages and dreams. That they, the Family, were to be unbelieved, were being secretive and questionable at best, and that Body herself was being accusatory and oversensitive, just as the family would want it to appear. With real time denials about what was said, lies described as exaggerations or descriptions and questions designed and made to feel like hidden insults.

On reflection it was like a confirmation of the messages and dreams they had received. Within all Body’s exasperation and in the middle of the confusion, tears and arguments too, was the inference that they, Body, were ‘Crazy’ or at least having an identity crisis. Brain assessed the latter was probably more accurate as it seemed to fit with Body’s feeling of displacement, not belonging to the family, not being a part of their ancestry.
It felt like familiar and familial scenery in a well lit performance of a play. A set.

“I’m not going to play anymore” the child said from nowhere. “We never win or lose, so I’m not going to play.”
The words just hung there yet again.

“What was the final ‘piece de resistance’ we found out about?” called Spirit. “After a year of no one contacting us, no one finding a different way to do so, no one helping us when we were in our deepest lost call and Hearts deepest sorrow?”
“That out of concern for my wellbeing and just because they did not have our postal address, they had called the British embassy in Portugal. They inferred they were concerned about our health and needed to know our whereabouts” Brain cited matter of fact.

“But that makes no sense” Body stated. “Had I been worried and concerned about a family member I would have asked the friends from their Facebook list, or used another phone if I felt I had been blocked, or email! There is always email! We heard nothing except an angry phone call demanding our address (when I was given no chance to speak) and angry texts about a credit card. Hell, if I was really worried and concerned I would have got on a plane.”
“Like we just have done to our expense” Brain muttered.
“And when questioned about it” Body continued “other family members had been considered and agreed with the decision to call the Embassy. Some said they were aware of it but not taken part in the decision, some said it was out of genuine concern, some just said “Yes, you’ve been flagged.” It doesn’t matter how they came by the decision, they were all equally complicit in it.

“Flagged for what? Soul took an in breath out of alarm. “What path had been flagged for us?”
“One of concern? One of mental health issues? One of medical issues? One of suspicion? One of immigration or criminal issues? Marital issues? Hell, it could be made to look like anything just by inference on the telephone” called Spirit.
“Quite” Brain was concerned but blunt.
Heart cried.
The child shrugged her shoulders as if it was to be expected somehow.
Spirit clouded and became angry.

Brain was whirring. “It’s a controlled narrative they are trying to make us fit. They are producing a script prior to the rehearsal and performance, and I don’t like how it is fitting in with all that has gone before over the last two to three years.”
“It’s a set up” called Spirit “ready for an ending and purpose we have no knowledge of. This visit to the UK has confirmed it to me and was the purpose of our visit. To find this out, to see through the masks, and now we must believe what we have been shown and told in dreams and messages. We did not want to believe them but now we have seen it with our own eyes.”

“It seems like a destructive path” sighed Soul. “I feel the warning signs and only Big voice will know for sure where it is going to lead them and us, whoever is involved.”

“We can stop playing” the child reiterated “we never win or lose. It’s always the same” as she shrugged her shoulders and held on to the hem of her dress as if her life depended on it. “Nothing changes if nothing changes.”

“You’re right child and I should have asked the braver questions instead of playing the game I wanted to hear.” Heart reached to the child and hugged her close under Big voice’s umbrella.
They would never get caught in the rain like this again and that was a degree of success they all concluded, but at such a loss. How would they ever cope with the loss of the only people they had ever known and thought of to be safe an secure with?
“We have managed this last two years” Brain reminded them.
“You will find the people meant for you. Your Soul tribe” Big voice confirmed.

“Will we get better? Will they get better?” the child asked hopefully. “We can love them from a distance can’t we?”
“Some may, some won’t. Depends if we and they find a path to healing” Soul sighed exhausted from trying to find their own path amongst the dark that kept them balanced on what seemed to be a tightrope of some sort.

“We are ‘Crazy’ if we tell them what we have been told as true in our dreams and question them on it ( ‘I wish I had been more brave’ cried Heart), ‘Crazy’ if we stay away and as a result get ‘flagged’ by the embassy, ‘Crazy’ because of the builders less than subtle intimidation tactics, ‘Crazy’ because no one believes we have been under surveillance and stalked, ‘Crazy’ because of a record on our medical history, ‘Crazy’ because they say we have broken relationships, ‘Crazy’ because other people lied to the police about our court case, ‘Crazy’ because they think we are in a cult or coven. And Yes…. the word ‘Crazy’ is not PC, but it is short hand when we can’t put a proper name to it when we do not know the diagnosis they have in store for us?”

“Apparently ‘Crazy’ because they say we are it would appear” Spirit called it out. “I wonder what they would say if they really knew what we have been shown in our dreams?”
“They would not say anything because there would not be time. We would be in the back of van on the way to the hospital quicker than you could say….” Brain struggled to find the right word.

”
“Fairy snuff” the Little Red Haired Girl suggested.
“Oh Hell” Body suggested.
“Noooo… how could they” cried Heart.
“We were warned” called Spirit.
“Thank you ” sighed Soul.

“What?!!” Brain questioned “What are you saying Soul? That would not be the time to be polite Soul, as we are being bundled in the back of a van just because other people question our sanity. We have to stand up for ourselves using facts and logic. Tell them the truth. Defend ourselves. Show we are capable and of sound mind as we would in a Court.”

“A prediction or past attempt of theirs maybe” called Spirit. “We have had the dream of it.”

“And should it happen, we shall, using every part of us to tell the truth as well as logic and facts. We can say thank you to Big voice, to our Holy ancestors for bringing it to us, and the experience will be to our benefit, we just have to find the lesson.”