154 Yes but

Onward Journey

154 Yes but

Heart found it difficult to feel happy. she missed her family, her friends and of course having a partner. ‘Heart was happier without them all’ Brain had told her, especially Noswad whom Brain particularly was distrustful of albeit in defence of Heart it had to be said.

Although Heart was happier than in the destruction of the Pumphouse, a part of Heart was missing, A part that no one could replace Heart felt sure even though the blood had returned its own colour, returned the love of colour found within nature and small miracles every day. Heart was thankful they had been reunited to her via Bodys eyes and senses. Thankful for every sunrise each morning. Something, an area, a part, a shadow of Heart was missing irrespective of the absence of family and friends. Heart owed it to itself to find where that part was before any possible reunion with others could be considered and with that, the recollection came to her, Heart was still feeling like she was an outsider like she didn’t belong anywhere. Floating, disconnected, like a feather on a sporadic breeze.

“You are back to square one” sighed Soul “and was part of the start of our journey when we got Body to voice this feeling to the family. It is I suspect the piece of the jigsaw that’s missing. Whether this was the start of our journey or a result of their lack of interest in how you have always felt Heart is debatable. The point is that it’s a part that is missing, and I believe only another who has more knowledge than us can provide.”
“So where do we go to find it? Where is its placement? Body asked. “Who do we ask?”
“We have asked family” Brain stated “and they tell us there is nothing to know. There is nothing hidden within the family tree. We can only go on what we have been told.”
“So where else can we call?” called Spirit.

“We could go through the family tree and records ourselves. We could do some research on the internet” suggested Brain “there are good public records available. Births, Deaths and marriages.”
“But what are we looking for?” asked Body. “What name for example?”
“Our own of course” stated Brain.
“How do we know it’s our name?” Heart cried.
“Of course it is, it’s on our Birth certificate” huffed Brain “so why wouldn’t it be?”
“I’m not sure” cried Heart.

“If you question your birth certificate, your own name, no amount of searching the records will help. We have to start somewhere wouldn’t you agree?”
“Yes, but..” Heart began.
“Don’t play ‘Yes but’ with me” the Little Red Haired Girl laughed “is what Mummy would say.”
“Pardon?” enquired Brain.
“It’s what she would say if we went shopping for a dress or clothes. We would walk for ages till big sister found a dress she liked.”
“What are you saying child” Body asked.
“We would find a dress that was perfect for her but the colour was wrong. Another that was good, a ‘Yes’, but the pattern on it was wrong. It was always ‘Yes but’ ” she giggled. “It was Ok though coz we got to go to the special coffee house for a drink if we was good.”
“You were allowed coffee?” Heart cried.
“No silly, that was for grown ups, but they made special strawberry milk that was all frothy made in a very loud machine. Sister needed time to think on which dress was best and then we had to walk all the way back to the first shop and get the one she should’ve said ‘Yes’ to in the first place.”
“Oh I see” Heart had been admonished.
“It’s called ‘Yes but’ and Mummy would get very cross.”

“Hmm” Body mused ” a lot of walking then to buy a dress and find what one was looking for, but at least you had a place to start.” Body acknowledged the child. “But Brain, looking through a family tree for a name when you don’t believe your birth certificate is a problem I agree, but Heart is obviously feeling this disbelief I guess.”
“That’s Hearts problem” Brain decided. “We have to start somewhere. We could start with the changes in our own name by marriage and work backwards from that. Start at the finish. Although I do believe one can only retrieve one’s own recent marriage certificates of one’s own name. Recent marriages of other names are not public information. Anyway, it would make sense to start with the name we already have, the finish, and work back from it.”

“But what about all the strange scam calls we have had that indicate Identity theft” called Spirit. “even when the caller asks for us by name about a so called appointment we have made or missed when we aren’t even in the same country?!”
“Yes I know but there is no way of knowing for sure, and even though we have reported these incidents and scam calls to the police in the Uk, they are put down to scam calls being regular occurences in this day and age and that the information has been gleaned off the internet data from some obscure survey or records we have filled in, and therefore not personal to us in particular. Just marketing. There is no accountability for scammed information apparently. We have at least reported them even though it has taken hours on the telephone to do so” Brain reiterated.
“Why the telephone?” Body asked “when it’s supposed to be easier to report online as all the recorded messages tell you whilst you are waiting?”
“Keep up Body” Brain huffed. “We tried that and can’t because the post code does not fit the box. We are reporting from Portugal so it doesn’t fit the required amounts of digits in the box on the form and therefore we cannot bypass it and complete the form online.” Brain got so tired of re explaining.

“But what about the Tarot readings that have all agreed with our identity being stolen? Some even stated that an imposter posing as us had married in our name? We have been really discerning as to whether they appertained to us within any collective reading?”
“Yes I know” Brain continued “but these collective or any personal reading for that matter, would not be considered proof or relevent to prove Identity theft, to the police or anyone else however gifted the reader is. If we believe this imposter theory and go online to check ‘our’ supposed new marriage in our name, how can we do this without the date? If we telephone, how can we research it, speak to an advisor and ask for a duplicate certificate of confirmation convincingly, if we don’t know the date and place we got got married? Does it not sound suspicious? I mean, it is supposed to be the biggest day in Hearts life so no one would forget their own date of marriage surely” Brain was scathing. “Come to think of it, I don’t know why all marriages are not public information to anyone? If you think about traditional marriage in the church, I think the bands are read out in church specifically to inform the ‘public’ for three weeks before the event takes place. Why that information should be less so nowadays is questionable.”

“But they tell us to speak up on the matter, to trust what we are being told, to have courage and speak up” called Spirit.
“Yes I know” answered Body. “But how can we speak up on this without being called ‘crazy’?”

“But what about sister, brother and the families strange reactions to our questions and their subsequent absence? And Noswads strange behavior?” cried Heart.
“Yes, but we need facts not feelings” answered Brain.

“But what about the builder, the finances, the materials that all went missing? The strange bad luck with everything?” Body asked.
“Yes I know” answered Brain “but criminal court has let us down. We have to decide and afford civil action now.” Brain was getting tired.

“Yes but, Yes but.” The child mocked them all.

Body sipped her coffee and felt hot with anger all over again.
“We’ve slipped up again haven’t we” cried Heart.
“In what way?” Brain asked so tired of it all.
“We are supposed to forgive them all and move forward regardless, and here we are planning to look backwards.”

“True” sighed Soul. “Let us concentrate on resting and healing, and be patient with ourselves. We will find a course to learn within, we can continue with our lives, try the painting class again that we have not given ‘us’ a chance at. We can remember that we have been told to move forward, be silent and use prayer and meditation. God has a way of working on our behalf. We must trust it and give ‘us’ a chance.”